Dear Mel,
I swear this JUST HAPPENED to me!!
So I go to Kroger (which I like to call Kay-Rogay) to get supplies that cannot wait until tomorrow. Namely, Little Debbies and Diet Coke. Anyway, I got to the U-Scan to ring up my purchases, which I know I am not supposed to do because those 4 machines are taking the place of 4 workers, but the only lanes open were manned by Kroger employees who I have already creeped out recently and I was just trying to avoid an awkward moment.
Anyway, the machine I was at had this really weird echo when it said, "Please scan your first item." I looked at the U-Scan supervisor, who is in fact a real person, who helps when you screw up weighing your own bananas. I said to her, "I think my machine is broken." She said,"Why?" I said, "It has an echo, like Obi Wan Kenobi is trapped inside." She said, in a very unamused voice, "Thats just the way it sounds." I shrugged and said, "OK, but someone is in real trouble when he decides to use the force to get out of there."
So, anyways, I ring my stuff up and scanned my ever useful debit card, and when it asked me if I wanted any cash back, I replied,"Well, as a matter of fact I do please." I may have to make purchases tomorrow that I do not want traced back to me. So I enter in that I would like to receive $40 back. Nothing happens. I wait. Nothing happens. I said to the lady, again, "Mine is broken." She said, " It has to tell me to give you change before I can give it to you." So I stand there, wondering exactly who was the boss of this little relationship and wait. After a couple seconds, I look at the machine and I said, in my best Yoda voice, "Me, forty dollars give." At that exact second, the machine starts spitting 8 nice, crisp $5 bills at me! As I was leaving, I said to the very startled lady, "May the force be with you."
So in other words, I may have to find a new place to shop.
Love, Amy
Amy,
ReplyDeleteLet me start by saying "Diet coke and little Debbies? Really, where do you put it?". There is no way you are eating little debbies. If you are purging. I need to know. Mainly because I can't figure out how to tell when is enough, like when you have gotten everything back up..I need some pointers.
Anyway, the machine is demonic. I recently heard a story about a self check machine in Des Moines that was possessed by a succubus and got a lady pregnant. She apparently stood too close to the cash receptacle and the next thing you know she is moaning like Meg Ryan. At first they thought she had "installed" one of those little "eggs" you know the ones that make you feel better about every aspect of life until the battery runs out. So this lady is standing there getting "implanted" and then just gets glassy eyed, walks away, gets in her car, drives off and gives birth nine months later to a human baby that is a replica of Ben Franklin. All old and shit.
I think you should take a pregnancy test. Just sayin.
Love, Mel