Dear Mel,
I am officially,as of today, a misanthrope. Dictionary.com defines misanthrope as a hater of humankind. I have given up hope.
Why, do you ask? I will tell you. I just spent 3 hours working in a very small, un-air conditioned, un-lighted concession stand. In the heat. At a high school football game. In Georgia. I sold fake meat burgers, cheap wienie hot dogs, warm cokes, and the kind of candy that nobody likes. And then we ran out of bottled water. And then ketchup. And then Coke.
These are not the same type of fast food consumers that you see smiling at each other on McDonalds commercials. These people are vicious!
And for the record, yes, I am aware we are out of ketchup and I really don't give a rats ass. Go eat a real vegetable, Tubby!
There is a reason I do not make my living in the food industry, and that is because as I am writing, I smell like a mixture of that weird yellow gummy substance that is served on top of chips and called nachos, and the pickle juice that I spilled on my shirt. And I get to do it again next week. I think I may run away to Paris and become a mime. Thats how desperate I am.
Love, Amy
Dear Amy,
ReplyDeleteHow in the holy hell did you wind up in such a place. When we agreed to do selfless acts of kindness I was thinking more along the lines of waiting at the grocery while a little old person crosses at the stripes instead of speeding past because I know I can beat them, or dropping my last season shit in the homeless boxes because crack ho's gotta look good too. I never in a million years thought you would wind up in processed "cheese" purgatory. By the way, did you know if you buy pre-shredded cheese in a bag it is mostly recycled paper. Ever wonder why it does not stick together like it does when we shred it ourselves. The irony is, I know this and still eat it anyway. Ruffage. Supermodels eat toilet paper. What?
Anyway selfless acts of kindness is over. Fuck that taco stand, get outta there before you have the permanent smell of deep fryer in your hair. Im serious.
Love, Mel
Yeah, I needed some good karma, and look at what it got me! A serious look at the people in this town that I CHOSE to raise my children in. I had choices, let me tell you, but no, I stayed here in this charming little town, where everyone knows you and cares. What bullshit! Give them one midseason highschool football game, and the sweet faces of my neighbors who cut thier grass and walk thier dogs, and whose children catch the school bus in my driveway, turn into howling, screaming, demonic rednecks in dirty t-shirts, scarfing the most non-cheese substance known to man, whining about the lack of candy selection, and cramming hot dogs down thier gullets. I would hate to see what it's like when basketball season starts!
ReplyDeleteSometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name.. bah bah bah.. and there always glad you came..
ReplyDeleteSorry, busted out in the cheers theme while reading that last post. Dont know why