The following is an actual IM conversation between Mel and an old acquaintance of hers who recently found her on Facebook:
U KNOW WHAT GOT ME STRAIGHT AND U GONNA LAUGH ABOUT THIS
8:43pmMe
what
8:43pmJames
GOD STARTED TALKIN TO ME
8:43pmMe
really
thats not funny
8:44pmJames
YEAH
8:44pmMe
it happens to us all
8:44pmJames
BLEW MY MIND
8:44pmMe
in one fasion or another
YEAH
8:45pmMe
well im happy for you and glad your back on track
8:45pmJames
I WAS IN A RELATATIONSHIP THAT ENDED I HAD LOST MY JOB AND WAS KINDA BLAMING DOD
AND I ASK HIM ONE NIGHT IN THE BROKENNESS OF MY LIFE WHAT
OF A GOD WAS HE
AND HE SPOKE AND SAID
WALK WITH ME SEEK ME AND SERVE ME AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT KIND OF GOD I AM
ALL I COULD DO WAS CRY
I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS SO REAL
LOL
8:47pmMe
thats awesome Jamie, im happy for you
James
YEAH
8:48pmMe
now go out and do something great with
the chance you have been given
8:48pmJames
BUT I FELL BACK INTO DRUGS
8:48pmMe
ah
shit
still?
THATS WHY I WENT TO ATHENS GA TO GET CKLEAN
8:48pmMe
you good now?
8:48pmJames
NO IM CLEAN
8:48pmMe
awesome
8:49pmJames
AND BEING BLESSED
I FEAR HIM TO MUCH TO DO DRUGS
ITS TOUGH
TO LIVE 4 HIM SOMETIMES
IN A WORLD FULL OF TEMPTATION
8:51pmJames
STRAUGHT AND NARROW IS THE WAY THAT LEADS TO ETERNAL
I HATE THAT
ETERNAL LIFE
YEAH
I APPRECIATE THOSE WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT
I REMEMBER BACK YEARS AGO I COULD STAND TO BE AROUND SOME ONE WHO HAD A BIBLE
LOL
8:56pmJames
FROM A BUDWEISER AND A JOINT TO A HOLY GHOST TOUNGE TALKIN
8:57pmMe
Me
well that is a hudge leap
congratulations to you
8:57pmJames
I RECEIVED THE BAPTISM OF THE HOLY GHOST ON EASTER SUNDAY AND WENT TO SPEAKIN IN UNKNOWN TOUNGES
IT WAS AWESOME
222
EASTER OF 2003
8:58pmMe
humm
Me
humm
8:58pmJames
CHECK THIS OUT
AFTER I HAD EXPERIENCED GOD
U REMEMER WHERE I USE TO LIVE
?
ONE NIGHT I TOOK MY BIBLE OUT SIDE
8:59pmMe
sure
Dutchmans
James
GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES
YEAH
I LT 2 CANDLES
PUT ON EACH SIDE OF MY BIBLE
9:00pmMe
and
9:01pmJames
WENT DOWN FACE TOWARD THE GROUND OR MY BIBLE IT WAS IN FRONT OF ME
I WAS JUST WORSHIPPING GOD
WHEN I OPENED MY EYES JESUS CHRIST WAS STANDING IN THE AIR
IN FRONT OF ME
IT SCARED ME
I JUMPED UP AND RUN
9:02pmMe
are you shitting me...
9:03pmJames
NO
WOULD MAKE SOMETHING UP LIKE THAT
9:03pmMe
I hope not
9:03pmJames
NEVER
NO NEVER
HE HAS SCARED ME STRAIGHT
LOL
HE TALKS TO ME
9:04pmMe
o.k.. here is the deal. We havent spoken or seen each other in over ten years so Im gonna let you behing the curtain... I am a part time slit licking, devil worshipping, psyco bitch from hell that I assure you cannot be saved.
rock on james
9:05pmJames
I HAVE HAD SOME AWESOME DREAMS ALSO WHERE HE HAS SPOKEN TO ME
NO U WRONG
James
I HAVE HAD SOME AWESOME DREAMS ALSO WHERE HE HAS SPOKEN TO ME
NO U WRONG
IM TALKIN TO YOU
BECAUSE GOD HAS TOLD ME TO
WE WERE CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF A HOLY GOD
SATAN IS ALSO A god WHO BLINDS PPL TO THE TRUTH
YOU ARE BOUND IN A LIFESTYLE THAT GOD JESUS CHRIST WANTS TO SET
YOU FREE
IS THER ANY REAL JOY IN THAT LIFESTYLE
9:09pmJames
I COULD TELL BY YOUR PICTURES YOU WERE LIVING IN DARKNESS
IT BREAKS MY HEART AND GODS AS WELL
9:11pmJames
BUT U GOTTA WANT OUT GOD IS A
GENTLEMEN HE WANT FORCE HIS SELF ON NOBODY
9:12pmJames
HE IS THE TRUTH THE LIFE AND THE WAY.NOONE GOES TO HEAVEN EXCEPT THRU JESUS CHRIST
9:14pmJames
HAVE YOU EVER LOOKED AT THE MARK ON A TOMBSTONE BETWEEN DATE OF BIRTH AND DATE OF DEATH
LIFE IS THAT SHORT ETERNITY IS
FOREVER AND WE ALL SPEND IT SOMEWHERE
During this time, Mel was sending me (Amy) messages asking me to help her in convincing this guy that she did not need saving, and this is how I responded, publicly to her wall:
Amy: Nothing like chicken salad and civil war ghosts to cleanse the soul, huh? What did you do for mabon?
Amy: Are you still having an affair with Ville?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WA2jBMk-Pk
35 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · Share · See Wall-to-Wall.Write a comment....
Amy: So, do you have a good recipe for deviled eggs?
34 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Amy : So, kill any goats and sacrifice them lately?
34 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Amy: I thought I saw you at the last Klan meeting. I thought I recognized your couture hood.
33 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Amy: Do you still ride around in that van with the free candy sign, while wearing a fake goatee?
32 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Amy: Are you planning on putting any razor blades in apples for the neighborhood kids for halloween this year?
32 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Amy: Do you still enjoy having tea parties with the neighborhood cats in the crawlspace under your house until meddling police officers come over to investigat code ambers?
30 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Melissa: Overkill Amy, I said help me.. not make every church lady in a 50 mile radius want to take my children
29 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · View Feedback (2)Hide Feedback (2)
Amy: but it is so fun!
24 minutes ago
Melissa: No, its really not... DEFAX is coming for me Monday now.. thank you.
50 seconds ago · LikeUnlike.Write a comment....
Amy: Do you still have that whole freezer full of popsicles in your basement?
29 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Amy: Do you still keep that man dressed in leather strips chained to the wall in the attic?
28 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Amy: Supper sure was good at your house last night. I liked the fava beans and the nice chianti. I was a little unsure about that liver though.
26 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Amy: Keith Richards called and said you better go get tested.............
25 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-WallWrite a comment....
Melissa: hates it when people try to "save" you with I.M's on facebook while they are clearly still in rehab.
12 minutes ago · Comment ·LikeUnlikeWrite a comment....
That's what friends are for. I'm just saying.....
Friday, September 24, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Congratulations 36 is the new 23
Dear Amy,I am told not to worry about our children. They will grow up, develop a work ethic and live healthy somewhat normal lives like we have. This is a crock. They are so spoiled and lazy that epidemics like this have come about. When you read this article you will find that "cougars are cool". Do you know why cougars are cool, it is because men (and I use this term loosely) now are lazy, good for nothing bums. They do not want a career, they want to be pampered like they have been their 25 years on this earth by their Mothers. They do not want responsibility. So what do they do, they go looking for a Cougar.
A Cougar is a woman with her "shit together", which means she has either gone to college and is a professional with an awesome job and girlfriend is bankin' or she has chose to marry well, raise a family, divorce and take half of what her previous husband has worked for. In comes the 24 year old hottie with a eight pack, highlights and True Religion jeans hanging off his puffy little ass. He wants to move in, lay on the sofa and watch Jersey Shore all day and dream of "smushing" the neighbor girl while our friend Mrs. Cougar is at work to make his Benz payment she bought him for a thank you. He has special talents.
While I find this a tad intriguing, I prefer to be the boring old housewife and Mother to my middle aged husband with the grey hair and pot belly that brings home the bacon because he loves us, much. That... money cannot buy.
But, However, if you find yourself in a Cougar/Boy-toy situation and need backup because you have not done enough cardio... call me Bitch!
Love,
Mel
| 1. | Cougar | 8496 up, 1234 down | |||
An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together. | |||||
Friday, September 10, 2010
Zen and the Art of Fat Kids
Dear Mel,
I am officially,as of today, a misanthrope. Dictionary.com defines misanthrope as a hater of humankind. I have given up hope.
Why, do you ask? I will tell you. I just spent 3 hours working in a very small, un-air conditioned, un-lighted concession stand. In the heat. At a high school football game. In Georgia. I sold fake meat burgers, cheap wienie hot dogs, warm cokes, and the kind of candy that nobody likes. And then we ran out of bottled water. And then ketchup. And then Coke.
These are not the same type of fast food consumers that you see smiling at each other on McDonalds commercials. These people are vicious!
And for the record, yes, I am aware we are out of ketchup and I really don't give a rats ass. Go eat a real vegetable, Tubby!
There is a reason I do not make my living in the food industry, and that is because as I am writing, I smell like a mixture of that weird yellow gummy substance that is served on top of chips and called nachos, and the pickle juice that I spilled on my shirt. And I get to do it again next week. I think I may run away to Paris and become a mime. Thats how desperate I am.
Love, Amy
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Keith Richards stole my luggage
Dear Amy,
I know you wanted to be friends with Keith Richards and I was like "no, he is a greazy old wrinkly whore" and you were like "right" and I was like "ok". Well, when we left the hotel, that old piece of grissel took my large Louie traveling case, the big one! So I am officially ending our friendship because there is no way I want it back. Even if you go to his house and get it for me, it will be nasty. He probably put dirty condoms, femi-doms, plush rabbits and god knows what else in there. Wait, what am I saying.. condoms.. um no, not Keith. NOW IM PISSED! I JUST REALIZED MY LUGGAGE HAS S.T.D'S!! That is the last time I go out with you and one of your new "buddies"!
Mel
My life is not "a bowl of fucking cherries"
Me
how do you spell or derves?
like snaks
good snacks
i know you are lauging at me
just shut up and tell me how to spell it
god damn itr
goddamit
im laughing so hard i cant tupe
tyupe
type
Smudgy Whore pics
Dear Mel,
I really heart these pics very much. As much as your luggage. Maybe even more...
I am seriously into smudgy whores as a concept.
Not as in wanting to be one, just the idea that they exist.
Love,
Amy (aka Mia Vixen which is my new smudgy whore name)
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